Minnesota Microphone

by Cole Sarar, photos by Cole Sarar

I would like to preface this post with a warning. The show I discuss here is the Rockstar Storytellers’ Erotic show. Though the Rockstars did remain clothed for the duration of the performance, some of the themes they address might not be -ahem- work appropriate, and there really isn’t a way to talk about this show without also putting aside some propriety.

But don’t expect me to get *too* explicit.

So, apparently the best way to do erotic literature is to get ludicrous, and get funny. I am firmly an advocate of this now. I am also an advocate of using erotica/the Rockstars to fix a foul mood. Because either one will, and both most definitely will.

The evening was hosted by Courtney McLean’s erotic bluegrass band, “Courtney McLean and the Dirty Curls”. Courtney excels at unfiltered, unapologetic lyrics- saying the awkward things that many of us just think loudly at our partners, hoping desperately for ESP to work its ways. Like: “Your pillowtalk sucks.” or “You should come home with me and my boyfriend.” or “I’m not pregnant; it’s all the beer I’ve been drinking.” Okay, so many Courtney says some things that some of us are not thinking, but will giggle and blush at. The band is fun and has a nice look to it.

Joseph Scrimshaw opened the night with a piece that was decidedly un-erotic. Joseph taunted us, leading us towards what we thought would be an intimate evening with him and his wife, only to find a story about watching teevee on the couch, ordering in, wearing jogging pants, and sleeping in. So why was the audience screaming with laughter during the snooze button scene? Because Joseph threaded sexual euphemisms through the entire piece, but used them literally. Not my favorite gimmick from Mr. Scrimshaw, but I may well in the minority- the rest of the audience was nearly crying they were laughing so hard.

Guest Rockstar Brian Beatty also regaled us with a story of *not* getting laid, in the form of a complaint letter to Popular Mechanics. Apparently the design for a sex-bot they published was not working as suggested, but was instead having intercourse with all of Mr. Beatty’s furniture and household electronics. A charming dive into frustration, the audience again nearly sent to tears with laughter.

By the halfway point in Allegra Lingo’s piece, I was beginning to wonder if the Rockstars were going to have an entire show about erotica without a living character getting off. I was SURE the piece about donning a deliveryman’s uniform and sneaking into Michelle Bachman’s office was going to lead to some sort of inappropriate action. After a verbose tirade about GLBQT rights, and what Bachman ought to represent politically, a tirade that lasted so long, all of my hopes of Allegra invoking Eros were dashed. Until suddenly a patriotic march pumped through the speaker system and suddenly there was vigorous and surprise lesbian sex, with possibly more than one Republican queen.

Amy Salloway’s piece, “Oh, the Fucking You’ll Do” is easily my favorite of the pieces of hers I’ve seen thus far. Amy’s Dr. Seuss inspired parody was downright brilliant, from calling her anthropomorphized Hitachi Magic Wand a “Dill-Doo” to the three fantasy locations where she might get some action, if only she tried. Her rhymes were clever and the wide-eyed children’s book style was great. Had I had more time, I would have sung the praises of this piece in Seussian couplets.

Had I a LOT more time, I may have described Ben San Del and Phillip Andrew Bennett Too Many Names Low’s piece in iambic pentameter, or maybe not, for fear of getting caught up in the hysterical, horribly disturbing piece inspired by the writing of some of Ben’s co-workers, on whom Phil was apparently trying to hit. The piece centered around the idea that the boys were going each to call up their fictional girlfriends (played by Allison Broeren and Liz, whose last name was not mentioned) for some phone sex, and then everything went wrong. While Phil demanded Allison respond in iambic pentameter, lines unbroken, Liz entreated Ben to indulge her fantasy- that is, to pretend to be her alcoholic father. The piece was an adventure into WRONG, playing to Ben’s talent of being the most awkward guy in the room and Phil’s reputation of being a little bit too into words. Somehow the foursome managed to pull of the piece that was hilarious and offensive and mostly completely ludicrous.

It was a great night for the Rockstars, who have some individual projects going on in February.
Check out http://www.rockstarstorytellers.com/Rockstar_Storytellers/Calendar.html for all the upcoming events!

Another email received this week, with a national opportunity. – Cole

Sol Y Soul and 3Word Productions are proud to announce Capturing Fire. Capturing Fire is a Queer Spoken Word Summit and Slam. This slam will be the first of its kind, and open to all local and national GLBTQ performance artists.
The mission of this event is to increase the visibility and exposure of GLBTQ performance artists. Capturing Fire aims to bring more credibility and awareness to the specific and diverse experiences of queer artists. In a time where Prop 8 exists, what better time and place then to hold this summit in the Nation’s capital, as an act of celebration, resistance, and inspiration for change.

The summit will culminate in a poetry slam, after two days of performance and writing workshops, panels and networking.

Already scheduled to appear for the Opening Ceremony on March 7th are: Andrea Gibson (2008 Women’s Slam Champion), Tara Hardy (founder of the Bent Institute; Seattle Slam Champion), Sonya Renee (DC Native; 2004 National Slam Champion) Chris August(founder of Baltimore’s Slamicide; National Team Finalist), Baruch Porras-Hernandez (Actor; Bay Area Slam Master) and musical guests The Good Asian Drivers (New York).
The slam is limited to 30 performers who identify as queer
The summit is open to everyone.

Register now by e-mailing capturingfire@gmail.com
Advanced slam registration is $50.
All inclusive summit passes are $35.
Tickets to single events are $10.

All donations and registration fees are tax-deductable, and can be accepted through Paypal (www.paypal.com) using the e-mail below or via check. Checks should be made out to Sol Y Soul, 1380 Monroe St, NW #216, Washington, DC 20010. Put “Capturing Fire” in the memo.
To keep up Capturing Fire Slam news and schedule updates, friend us on FaceBook (www.facebook.com). For questions or more information, email capturingfire@gmail.com

Poets with chapbooks! I received this message this week, and maybe you’d like to contribute. -Cole

My name is Brittany and I am contacting you from Poets House, a nonprofit literary organization located in Battery Park City in lower Manhattan. Our library consists of about 50,000 poetry titles, all of which are donated by members, publishers and/or the authors themselves.

Each year we organize a poetry Showcase which features new poetry titles. This year we are asking for donations of books published/made between April 2009 and April 2010. We organize the books and/or audio by publisher so that patrons and poets can get a sense of a publisher’s poetry list. After the showcase the books we recieve become part of our permanent collection.

We are hoping to acquire more chapbooks, zines, broadsides and other handmade poetry publications in order to better represent the artistic community in our 2010 showcase. If you would like to participate by donating copies of one or more of your publications, we will gladly bookplate them with your name so that you may be represented this year.

Our mailing address is:
10 River Terrace
New York, NY 10282
ATTN: Maggie Balistreri/Library

If you have any questions please feel free to contact the Showcase Librarian at: maggie [!at] poetshouse.org

by Em, photos by Justin Schell

After a several month sabbatical from the poetry slam, I returned to Kieran’s Irish Pub for what promised to be a great night of poetry. Little did I know, I was in for an epic evening of some of the best poetry this small town Iowa gal has ever seen, battle royale style.

The slam was kicked off in round one by Syd Malicious going head to head with Thadra Sheridan. Syd’s stunning and powerful poem about what it is like to be forced into womanhood left my ears ringing with poignant lines like the one about how she only feels beautiful with her head shaved. To follow, Thadra gave us a glimpse into the psyche of a waitress that made me both laugh hysterically and feel the need to tip my server more. In the end, Thadra’s well-timed comedy took the bout.

Next up was Neil Hilborn with a persona piece told in the voice of road kill about their vendetta against people who drive cars. As hysterical as this piece was, I must say I have actually been hit by more animals than I have ever hit, so I lack sympathy for the creatures who may one day rise up against us. As much as Neil had us all rolling, Sam Cook had the first K.O. of the night with a masterful poem that had the audience on the edge of their seats. The line “If home is wherever people know your stories, there is just too much highway in ours” still gives me the heebee geebees.

The evening was off to an emotional start. I laughed, cried, gasped, and sighed all within the first ten minutes of performances. The rollercoaster was not about to stop anytime soon. Jade Metzger’s ode to her father was spirited and heartfelt. Chadword’s raw and emotional poem about being his brother’s keeper had such a sweetness about it. Michael Lee painted some beautiful images about making connections through music and he performed with such tender restraint. Inky presented a stunning persona piece as majestic as the woman she portrayed. On the other end of the spectrum, Becky Dawn Jo Bob Sue’s simple yet sophisticated Dr. Suess style jab at Sarah Palin gave me the giggles. A bit later, Alice’s campaign for female masturbation had everyone giggling a bit uncomfortably. But really isn’t that what poetry is all about? One poem that really stuck out to me tonight was by the Reverend Pat D. I have come to the conclusion that his style is undoubtedly an acquired taste and after this performance I was a connoisseur.

The last few matches in the first round took a more serious turn with Dylan and Lily. The combination of Dylan’s captivating voice and images always make for a well-crafted and powerful poem. However; Lily’s heartfelt recollection of a grandparent’s death had the audience wanting more.

The first round was finished off in a match-up between Ezra and Sparrow. Ezra’s confessional piece taught us all why he is definitely “not a role model,” and even more about how to drink whisky: copiously. Although Sparrow had some great lines, like “Dignity is a matter of perspective,” it would still be Ezra moving on to the next round.

After the first round of performances I was exhausted but excited to see more of what these incredible poets had to offer. I was not disappointed. Thadra Sheridan brought more comedy to the stage commenting on society’s need for immediate gratification and fame at any cost. “Babe Ruth is reality,” she says. Michael Lee followed with an intense moment at a bus stop. Sam Cook gave a magnificent performance about being the weird kid in first grade with a shout out to his teacher and all those like her. Ezra was haunting, pulling images from Peter Pan. For his second poem, Colin went the funny route in delivering a speech to his 17-year-old younger sister declaring not even Mahatma Gandhi is good enough for her. Jade Metzger continued to solidify herself as a feisty performer and her second poem packed just as much punch as the first. Chadword told us all why he no longer does sex poems in public, but ladies, if you ever want a private performance I hear he is single. Lily finished off the second round with an unapologetic piece proclaiming, “I am here and I am queer.”

The top four poets of the evening were Michael Lee, Sam Cook, Jade Metzger, and Lily. To determine the Victory Lap poet Jade and Lily faced off in an intense game of rock-paper-scissors in which Jades scissors slashed Lily’s paper (never pick paper). Jade ended the night with a lighter side on the topic of online dating.

Overall, it was an evening that made me unbelievably proud to be a part of the Minnesota slam scene. The slam, along with guest artists like musician Tyrus A, Riley Lang, and a special performance by Wonder Dave himself, was the best I’ve seen since I moved here a year ago. My prediction is that it will just keep getting better and better.

Peace, love, and poetry,

Em

Should you want to guest blog a spoken word event for Minnesota Microphone, please please contact me! -Cole