Rockstars Get Sexy

by Cole Sarar, photos by Cole Sarar

I would like to preface this post with a warning. The show I discuss here is the Rockstar Storytellers’ Erotic show. Though the Rockstars did remain clothed for the duration of the performance, some of the themes they address might not be -ahem- work appropriate, and there really isn’t a way to talk about this show without also putting aside some propriety.

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But don’t expect me to get *too* explicit.

So, apparently the best way to do erotic literature is to get ludicrous, and get funny. I am firmly an advocate of this now. I am also an advocate of using erotica/the Rockstars to fix a foul mood. Because either one will, and both most definitely will.

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The evening was hosted by Courtney McLean’s erotic bluegrass band, “Courtney McLean and the Dirty Curls”. Courtney excels at unfiltered, unapologetic lyrics- saying the awkward things that many of us just think loudly at our partners, hoping desperately for ESP to work its ways. Like: “Your pillowtalk sucks.” or “You should come home with me and my boyfriend.” or “I’m not pregnant; it’s all the beer I’ve been drinking.” Okay, so many Courtney says some things that some of us are not thinking, but will giggle and blush at. The band is fun and has a nice look to it.

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Joseph Scrimshaw opened the night with a piece that was decidedly un-erotic. Joseph taunted us, leading us towards what we thought would be an intimate evening with him and his wife, only to find a story about watching teevee on the couch, ordering in, wearing jogging pants, and sleeping in. So why was the audience screaming with laughter during the snooze button scene? Because Joseph threaded sexual euphemisms through the entire piece, but used them literally. Not my favorite gimmick from Mr. Scrimshaw, but I may well in the minority- the rest of the audience was nearly crying they were laughing so hard.

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Guest Rockstar Brian Beatty also regaled us with a story of *not* getting laid, in the form of a complaint letter to Popular Mechanics. Apparently the design for a sex-bot they published was not working as suggested, but was instead having intercourse with all of Mr. Beatty’s furniture and household electronics. A charming dive into frustration, the audience again nearly sent to tears with laughter.

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By the halfway point in Allegra Lingo’s piece, I was beginning to wonder if the Rockstars were going to have an entire show about erotica without a living character getting off. I was SURE the piece about donning a deliveryman’s uniform and sneaking into Michelle Bachman’s office was going to lead to some sort of inappropriate action. After a verbose tirade about GLBQT rights, and what Bachman ought to represent politically, a tirade that lasted so long, all of my hopes of Allegra invoking Eros were dashed. Until suddenly a patriotic march pumped through the speaker system and suddenly there was vigorous and surprise lesbian sex, with possibly more than one Republican queen.

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Amy Salloway’s piece, “Oh, the Fucking You’ll Do” is easily my favorite of the pieces of hers I’ve seen thus far. Amy’s Dr. Seuss inspired parody was downright brilliant, from calling her anthropomorphized Hitachi Magic Wand a “Dill-Doo” to the three fantasy locations where she might get some action, if only she tried. Her rhymes were clever and the wide-eyed children’s book style was great. Had I had more time, I would have sung the praises of this piece in Seussian couplets.

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Had I a LOT more time, I may have described Ben San Del and Phillip Andrew Bennett Too Many Names Low’s piece in iambic pentameter, or maybe not, for fear of getting caught up in the hysterical, horribly disturbing piece inspired by the writing of some of Ben’s co-workers, on whom Phil was apparently trying to hit. The piece centered around the idea that the boys were going each to call up their fictional girlfriends (played by Allison Broeren and Liz, whose last name was not mentioned) for some phone sex, and then everything went wrong. While Phil demanded Allison respond in iambic pentameter, lines unbroken, Liz entreated Ben to indulge her fantasy- that is, to pretend to be her alcoholic father. The piece was an adventure into WRONG, playing to Ben’s talent of being the most awkward guy in the room and Phil’s reputation of being a little bit too into words. Somehow the foursome managed to pull of the piece that was hilarious and offensive and mostly completely ludicrous.

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It was a great night for the Rockstars, who have some individual projects going on in February.
Check out http://www.rockstarstorytellers.com/Rockstar_Storytellers/Calendar.html for all the upcoming events!

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About Cole

A thumb among fingers. A writer, a photographer, a lover of all things citrusy.
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